Hello, bestie. If you’ve spent any time reading about narcissist traits, you’ve likely asked yourself the same aching question we all do: Will they ever change?
It takes incredible courage to ask that question, because deep down, the answer is terrifying. You hold onto the hope that the person you married, loved, or built a life with will suddenly see the light, apologize, and become the supportive partner you deserve. This hope is normal, it’s human, and it’s the hardest thing to let go of.
But here is the truth that will set you free, even though it hurts: You must release the burden of hoping your partner will change.
Change, especially fundamental behavioral change, is not coming. This post isn’t here to scare you; it’s here to empower you. Since you cannot change them, we must now change your response and your focus. Your energy is too precious to waste on external hope. It’s time to invest it all back into you and your own healing journey through Creative Self-Care.
Why Hope is a Trap
The moment you accept that they won’t change, you reclaim all the energy you were pouring into the void.
- The Energy Drain is Real: Constantly waiting for, hoping for, or begging for change drains every drop of emotional, mental, and creative energy you possess. It keeps you on an exhausting carousel of anxiety and disappointment.
- The Lack of Internal Motivation: People with narcissist traits operate from a worldview that makes them the victim and the hero simultaneously. Their current patterns — the lying, the blame, the control — work for them because these behaviors secure attention (supply) and allow them to avoid accountability. They have no internal motivation to do the painful, difficult work required for true, lasting change.
Hoping they will change is like sitting in front of a canvas and waiting for the paintbrushes to start painting by themselves. It’s beautiful to imagine, but it’s a profound waste of your own artistic potential.
The 2 Pillars of Acceptance
Acceptance is not defeat; it is the ultimate act of self-preservation. It is realizing that you can stop fighting a battle you were never meant to win.
Pillar 1: Accepting the Behavior (But Not Tolerating It)
You accept that the gaslighting, criticism, and emotional volatility will likely continue. You stop being surprised when it happens, and you stop arguing why it’s wrong. You know it’s wrong, and that’s all that matters.
Actionable Step: Practice the Mental Fact Check. When they present a lie or a twisted version of events, do not debate them aloud. Simply validate the truth internally, take a deep breath, and say to yourself, “I see what you’re doing. I know the truth.” Then, change the subject. Do not argue or start to list all the facts or proof.
Pillar 2: Accepting the Person (But Not Engaging with Them)
You accept that this is who they are in the context of your marriage. This acceptance allows you to stop pouring your emotional effort into a relationship that cannot sustain it. You shift your focus from giving to receiving (from yourself).
Actionable Step: Redirect the Emotional Investment. Every time you feel the urge to explain your feelings, defend yourself, or plead for understanding, immediately redirect that time and energy into something else. Take a deep breath and exhale while saying/thinking – I am calm, I breathe my stress out, I am enough.
Shifting Your Energy:
Focus on Your Healing Journey through Creative Self-Care
The energy you spent arguing, defending, and crying is now free. Your new life project—your ultimate act of creative genius — is your own healing journey.
This is where your love for art (or music or cosmetics) becomes your powerful tool for recovery. Here are 3 simple ways from my Creative Self-Care:
- The “Heart” Ritual
Make every success a small creative win. Every time you successfully avoid an argument, stop yourself from explaining, or politely enforce a boundary, dedicate five minutes to celebrate!
How I did it:
I would say 5 affirmations with conviction in my heart. I am a successful blogger, I have 100k followers, I am blessed with an income so huge I don’t need a man to feed and clothe me, I am living happily ever after with my kids, My audience know, like and trust me.
- Building Your Identity
Living with a person who projects narcissist traits often results in identity erosion; you forget who you are outside of the relationship. Give yourself time to rebuild yourself.
How I did it:
Plan and do activities with my children only. Whenever I’m with them, I am always fun, chill and happy. It gives me a feeling of satisfaction. So I continue to be the happy version of me and couldn’t care less on what happens to him. He could fall and break a leg and I’m not going to feel anything.
- The ‘Future Self’ Image
Hoping for them to change keeps your focus trapped in the past. Creative visualization anchors your hope firmly in the future you are building for yourself.
How I did it:
I used this time to plan my Creative Self-Care goals – write them down, draw them and visualize them. Get a sketchbook and write everything down – who you are, what you do, where you’re going, with whom you want to be with, etc. Put a timeline to it and make a prayer – I will achieve all these within the next 2 years (or 5, up to you)
Your Peace is Waiting
Acceptance is not the end of your story; it’s the beginning of your greatest project — Yourself. You have freed yourself from the exhausting job of trying to save someone who doesn’t want to be saved.
It’s time to be selfish with your energy. It’s time to focus on your recovery and the peace only you deserve!
Start small today. Pick up a paintbrush, sketch your next small boundary, or simply sit with your cup of coffee and toast and enjoy the quiet view you’ve created for yourself.
Your peace is precious. Let’s be successful together thru one Creative Self-Care at a time!
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